How Deana Saved the Country of Loweuir From the Evil Ninjas

“For my speech I shall recount the little-known story of how Deana Roberson saved the country of Loweuir from the Evil Ninjas.  What we will be specifically discussing is the battle for Chipotle.  She shared with me an account written by one of her brave turtle-warriors, Lieutenant Colonel Sanders.

"Ninjas came from the right, they came from the left, but I knew I could persevere. I saw General Deana heft her mighty scimitar, given to her by our great chieftain Bowchicabowow, and swing it with all her might, ripping flesh from the enemies bodies and spilling their entrails upon the dark ground, stained red by the blood of my soldiers and their enemies, and packed by the many feet dancing a dance of life and death.  This sight gave us all strength”

            But that occurs after this story takes place, near the end.  It all began when Deana, and her future lieutenant Alli, traveled to Loweuir on a school trip.  Deana was studying psychology, and wanted to do a project on the strange turtles of that region.  You see, the turtles from Loweuir are highly intelligent, and have been known to talk very competent English.  However, they are also incredibly violent, and are very well known for killing someone rather than talking to them.

            But I digress, Deana and Alli went to Loweuir one summer to psychoanalyze some strange breed of turtles.  She had only been there a few days before she realized that something was horribly amiss.  The people shut themselves away before it was even dark, and even the barest stitch of black clothing could send people into hysterics.  Add that to the screaming and fleeing people when she casually said one of her favorite phrases “I’m a ninja!”, and it did not take her long to realize who the culprits were.

            That is right, ninjas.  Evil ones, at that.  “Why evil?” you ask?  Well, why else would the people be so terrified?  Therefore, the culprit must be evil ninjas! 

Here our heroine was struck with a dilemma.  How would she deal with these evil ninjas?  And should she even bother?  The brave soul quickly discarded the last question out of hand; of course she would help them!  After all, didn’t a psychologist help people?

Swiftly, she devised a devious plan.  It was risky, but it just might work.  She speedily ran to a successful [meaning he had studied turtles for a year and still survived] turtle expert, and, after testing his moral character with several tests that would later win her the Nobel prize in psychology, confided in him her wily plan, which he agreed was ingenious.

Together, they ventured off to the swamps.  There they talked to the top tribesturtle.  I was not told in the least what they said, because, according to Deana, “what was said there is, was, and always will be completely top secret.  Not to mention Alli and I had had a few shots of the turtle’s favorite drink, Swampwhiskey, and I’m a bit fuzzy on the details.” 

The turtles agreed to the incredible negotiator Deana’s plan, and all was prepared with much haste.  That very same night, as the evil ninjas prowled the streets, they would be in for a deadly surprise.

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            And, as you all know, the rest is history.  The brave General Deana, along with her courageous Lieutenant Alli and their brave army of turtle-warriors, defeated the evil ninjas who were terrorizing the country of Loweuir in an incredible, epic, and bloody battle, the likes of which have never been seen before or since.  They saved the poor country, and asked for little to nothing in return.  For though they had the opportunity to become one of the royalty of the European nations, they chose to follow their chosen fields of study at their chosen colleges instead.

            All I can say is “LONG LIVE THE AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL, BRAVE, BUT BENEVOLENT GENERAL DEETREZ AND LIEUTENANT ALLI!”

*The End*